Recently, I’ve been the recipient of confusing messages telling me I’ve disappointed people or they’re disgusted with me and all sorts of rot. Perhaps the message that takes the cake is the one where I’m accused of wanting to ruin the careers of SEA writers. WTF.
So, let me answer the burning question in everybody’s mind. Not that the yeah-yeah crowd really cares to hear to the truth. But here it is: I DID NOT OUT BENJANUN SRIDUANGKAEW.
Do you need bigger letters?
NEVER in any point in time did I say to Tricia Sullivan or Liz Williams: Look here, I’ve got a juicy secret: Benjanun Sriduangkaew is Requires Hate.
In fact, Tricia Sullivan said to me that she already knew that Benjanun Sriduangkaew was Requires Hate (not that I didn’t already know it) but I’ve never referred to them as the same person in conversation. By that time though, the secret was sort of an open secret. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the publishing world didn’t already know. Certainly, Benjanun didn’t hide who she was from certain editors and she told me at one time that she’d also told others. What Tricia did with what she knew is not my responsibility.
But what about that blogpost written by your friend, I hear you ask. I have no idea. I’m betting Tricia was tired and upset and a combination of both makes for unclear blogposts. I know because yesterday, I was writing a blogpost but it was all vague and unclear and it looked like I was apologizing for things I didn’t do. Well, I’m not bloody apologizing because the only thing that I did was support people and trust in them.
I supported RH when she wanted to write because I believed writing would be good for her. Why not turn all that rage to writing instead? That I’m now accused of outing her after I’ve repeatedly told her that I am not interested in outing her is quite beyond me. You figure it out because I don’t want to.
Yesterday, I was feeling tired and disillusioned. Heart-weary and ready to throw the towel in. I saw the women of color who were losing faith, I saw those who were vulnerable wondering why and how we could allow the community to be torn apart like this. How can we dismiss that? How can we ignore those voices? How can we call ourselves vehicles of change or proponents of social justice if we forget the most vulnerable among us?
Yesterday, I was a wimp. Today, I’m a bloody fighting angry brown woman. I care about people goddammit. People have always been my priority. Cultivating and encouraging writers, building up their confidence, helping up their visibility as much as I can–that’s what I love to do the most. If you’re only interested in your agenda of carrying out vendettas and petty wars, I don’t want to be in your corner.
4 thoughts on “Angry Brown Woman Mode”
Teh Interwebz is a frightening place sometimes, as I know from experience. In the end all you can do is breathe in, breathe out, move on. I’ve been accused quite unjustifiably of all sorts of horrible things in public by people who’ve never even met me, or even had the decency to ask me what I felt about anything. Hug your family. If you have a dog, hug that, too.
Rochita, I’ve known you personally and professionally since 2009, and I have very great faith in your integrity, compassion, talent, and goodwill. I believe you.
One person outed RH: Nick Mamatas. Before then, the whispering campaign had several suspects. Some influential people in the professional writing community were insisting that BS was not RH, and were very disappointed when Nick confirmed the whispers—one told me she felt she had been caught in a “web of lies”.
RH created a group of people who hated her, but they did not out her because they did not have proof. Whatever you may think of them, they knew proof matters. Nick provided it. It seems BS is content to have the whispers end, but if she really wants to move on, an apology for her behavior would go far.
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