It has become harder to write. All my words turn into tears. I choke up. I stop. I have nothing to say.
My heart aches constantly. My head hurts. There is too much to do. My dreams are interrupted. I cannot catch them.
My friend tells me that good days lie ahead–that the sun will come again. I grab hold of those words and hold them like a promise.
I am afraid of being left behind. Of losing everyone I love. Of becoming a burden that is too hard to bear.
My quiet moments are curtained with tears.
Comfort me, I say to those I love. Send me smiles. Send me hugs.
I know I cannot ask anyone to carry my grief for me.
I will make a nest in the attic for me and my children. Up there, where we can look up at the sky through the wide window. Perhaps, if we look up long enough, if we hold each other close enough, we will be able to find the path of our dreams again.
For now, I continue to be grateful for warm hands, warm hearts and for the knowledge that we are still surrounded by love even if we have lost someone we love.