Someone asked me how my experience of loss would affect the work in progress. I remember saying that I didn’t know. Would I have more death in my work? Would sorrow be more present? Would my characters change? In what way would the world and the characters occupying that world be changed?
A very dear friend of mine told me during one of our conversations that when she went through deep loss, she looked for the gift her loved ones had left for her to find. Looking is a painful process. So is letting go. So is moving forward.
Let go. Step forward. Change.
Our lives have changed drastically. Beyond the empty spaces, room has opened up for us and we are exploring and coming to terms with this new territory that is our life after loss.
Yesterday, I returned to working on Flight of the Body Cartographer. I understand better now how loss can touch me, can touch those I love, can change me, can change the shape and the contour of the world.
Looking back, I think there was still a lot in the wip that was rather vague or undefined. It felt to me like the draft of a draft even though it also felt in parts as if it was already complete.
Going back to the work yesterday, I understood the dissatisfaction I had felt with what I’d written down in the past.
During a visit, one of my husband’s friends said to me: after loss, the world narrows down. Colours are sharper. Your focus shifts and changes for a while. Then the world widens up, it’s still the same world, but different.
I think he was very right.
Like story, life is also a work in progress.